Otis Funkmeyer.com, pre-breakdancing makeover

Otis Funkmeyer, esq., at your service. I am here to bring a new reality, already existing in thought form, into physical manifestation. I am here to bear witness to 13 Ahau and inspire Synchronicity. I am here to navigate space time and worm my way into the mass psyche, leaving a residue of beauty, joy, honesty, and DMT. I am here to Breakdance and to teach and to create on a scale that has not yet been imagined. I love life and am grateful beyond words to be here.

I am here to offer the perspective, to broadcast the radio station, that the reason we are here is to follow our excitement, through fear after fear, and ultimately finding ourselves naked, to run through the daisies with tears in our eyes, free free at last.

This is all true, and I hope to share this perspective through the filter of breakdancing!

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My Perfect Day

So I wake up. There are 3 women next to me. The sheets are satin. Silk maybe. They are a purplish-off-white color. The first woman is a light-skinned black woman. Big hair. Thin. Model kind of body. She is naked. I am naked. I look great naked. I am like Bruce Lee. I shoot out of bed and do 100 pushups. Then I do breathing exercises. I look around at the room. It is a carpeted room. There are kettlebells there. The other woman gets up. She is a white woman. Brunette. Small ass. Also naked. Tan. The third woman I just now notice. She is Asian. One of those hard to tell kinds. Is she Japanese or Korean or Chinese. Hard to tell.

I immediately get the e-mail going. Write an article. Telling people to go for it. I make a video. I shoot it off to my editor who fucks it up (in a good way), glitching it out and adding a soundtrack and effects. It’s is kinda trippy. I tell him to put autotune on it. We have a little talk via iChat to make that happen. I record the chat and send that to him as well, so that he can cut it up liberally.

Even though these women are beautiful and naked, I masturbate. I don’t know why. It feels good. I then go down and do my splits training. I finally got it. My legs and hips are strong and together. It took a lot of trainers and a lot of training, but I did it. I wear my Juste Debout trophy around my neck. I made them make me an extra small one. I did it. I really did it. When it comes to popping, I am no joke. It is known. I toss on a Snoop instrumental and get busy. I decide to record it and it turns into an impromptu lesson. I tell people the importance of spotting. I tell them what they need to do, who they need to watch. I shoot that over to my other editor, and he adds B-roll of other great poppers doing great spotting. Also some ballet dancers and other dancers. So that people can see.

I have a private lesson this morning, virtually. It’s a kid from Norway. He is getting pretty good. I can see he’s really been doing the exercises we’ve been working on. I tell him we are going to work on tensing the body. On subtle muscle control. I can tell he can use it. Especially in the ankles. We drill that for about 20 minutes and then I have him dance again. I tell him to keep working on that and ya know what, if it’s all right with him, let’s drill that for 40 more minutes because everything is else is looking damn good. We do that, and it’s good for me as well.

Breakfast is served. Apparently, I’m in some hotel. Room service comes with fruit for me and coconut yogurt. The girls are not as healthy–they have some bacon and fruit and eggs and more traditional stuff. I make out with them a little, tell them they’re beautiful, tell them how amazing it is to be alive and to be able to look at them, and then I leave.

I check out. I don’t know where I am. It appears to be Paris. I head out into the world. I don’t know where I am going. Oh wow, a call. It’s my agent. He wants me to do Leno. I guess I do that. Something about entertainment. This is as much a mystery to me as to you. We talk for a while and he tells me I better get to London. Remember, London.

OH YEAH! London! Dance workshop! Head over to London, do the workshop. Everybody’s excited. Some hot girls in class. I talk to them and grab their asses. Wow. I am that kind of guy. They love it. We do a killer class. It’s super dope. It’s recorded and streamed live on the Internet and is automatically archived and put up for sale as well.

All of the music is music I made. I am happy about that. Downright excited. Proud even. I give out all the music. Here. Take it. Free. Just do what you want with it.

I leave class, grab some raw food and quinoa with a few of the girls. One of them gives me a blowjob in the restaurant bathroom. Very nice. Very nice. I dip out feeling good. Another call. Manager. Big show tonight kid. Do it up. Do it well.

OH WOW! THE SHOW! THE SHOW! I almost forgot. I get to the stage. Wow. It’s big. My heart beats a little bit. 2000 seater. Wow. I don’t use a laptop apparently. It’s all done from my phone. That’s a little crazy. Even to me. I check my slides. Everything looks incredible. Slick. Moving. Real. It is all happening. The world is ready to change. I am here to do this.

Do a tech rehearsal and then it’s time for makeup and costume. It takes a while. Apparently I have some crazy suit I wear. Wow. Crazy SUITS. I guess I get naked in between. Transparency. Here is who I am.

I do some more working out. Dips. Stuff like that.

A little agility drilling. Cardio. And shit. Before I know it, it’s time.

I do it. It’s amazing. I’m on fire. It’s so crazy good I can hardly believe it. And then, it’s over. Reception. Thanks thanks yah thanks it’s good yah that’s great Thanks thanks. Lots of old people in fancy costumes. Pretty lady. Talk to her. Flirt. Grab. Get number. Go to after-dinner-party kind of thing. All raw food. Wow. Just the way I like it. Great group of people. They’re all there. Wow. It’s like that. Gwynnetth. Chris. Jigga. Thom. Leo. Jeez. Bono. I’ve really got it like that. That’s amazing.

Getting antsy. Text the girl. Come over in 2 hours to this person’s house where I’m staying. Wow. It’s Gwynneth and Chris’ house.

She comes. Make love. Have fun. Sleep. Next day….

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I Have a New Blog! I Would Love For You To Subscribe to It!!

My real efforts at the moment are on a web-series/TV show we are working on called “Meet the Funkmeyers.” There is a whole lot going on at funkmeyers.com and I encourage all of my current readers to check out THE BLOG-MEYER! OTIS & JENNY’S FUNKMEYER BLOG! We are doing really great stuff and there is a lot of new content being added all the time. Please join our family as well and share in the good feelings! The Funkmeyer Family of Funkateers!

I have decided to put all of my focus there. For day-to-day minuatiae, I am on twitter and facebook as well.

You can see the episode that caused all the mayhem here:

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Some nice photos from the Meet the Funkmeyers screening

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The Eschaton is closer than it appears!

Live Streaming from iPhone->Youtube->Otisfunkmeyer.com.
WOW!

So my mind is officially blown today by a program called Flixwagon and especially one called Shazam. The iPhone is 100% a personal computer replacement and has now moved well into the realm of sci-fi. With this Shazam program, you can literally hold up your iPhone to a speaker for 10 seconds and it will tell you what song is playing. I’m talking thousands and thousands of songs. This is getting awfully trippy compadres.

And with Flixwagon, we are nearing the age of instantaneous presence, where privacy is forever eroded, as everyone will have an HD video capturing device that streams directly to the internet and auto-tags the video based on the dialogue for easy searching. And this stuff is like 6 months away.

My hero Tim Boucher said that he predicts we will find an AI has emerged unbeknownst to us by 2011. I agree.

This world is getting mighty wild, mighty virtual indeed. I’m aware that I’m at the bleeding edge, but being at the bleeding edge only 7 years ago meant HAVING a cell phone. The rate of adoption is pretty bewildering and with this easy-to-use-Steve-Jobs-overlord-app-model grandmas are going to be live streaming to Youtube from their phones in a year.

Exciting, exciting, exciting times friends!

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The Future Beckons

The days go by fast and furiously as we approach the event horizon of permanent, unavoidable, incorruptible now.

The days seem dark from the perspective of the crumbling systems but the future beckons us forth, into the unknown, into a symbiosis with
creation itself.

I find my own life, the only perspective I can fully know, becoming increasingly dreamlike, as previously “crazy” synchronicities become de rigeur and it seems like all systems go, warp speed ahead most of the time.

As I settle back into this eternal journey that I had spent 26 years forgetting I was on, I breathe sigh after sigh of relief. They really like me. I’m really OK. This is actually going to work out just fine.

And then it’s on to the serious business of future creation. Of bringing the ever-intertwining serpents that seem to populate my brain into 3D form. Because the vision for humanity that I see evidence for building all around me is so powerful, so contagious, so damn fun that you can bet your mama’s life that it’s what I came to do.

The documentary “Meet the Funkmeyers” that screened this past weekend was a smash success and was the audience favorite. Hundreds of people came up to us afterwards with such open hearts thanking us for
existing. It was truly… dreamlike. Since then I have begun getting approached around town by people who saw the film and am thus enjoying my first real taste of stardom. I quite enjoy it and I intend more, and more, and more. We’ve got a planet to transform here!

You can watch it for now at www.elevateexperience.com and yes you do have to install a plugin (ech!).

Aside from that, the outpouring of the film was so great that we have followup projects in the works already with bona fide Hollywood types. I feel like the Beverly Hillbilly.

Anywho. Ask and act and It. Is. Given.
Live the dream! Jump off the cliff! Destiny awaits! The future beckons! And you are it!

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Award winning photography

A modern day Da Vinci indeed.
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My sexy queen in Bali

Just love this one!
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I am 28 and I am grateful

Quite a year for me! Most importantly, love. My goal for the next year
is to be rich. Make a lot of money and invest well and become an
aggressive, risk-taking, shrewd businessman. Like a new age Richard
Branson or something. I am living a life so far beyond my dreams of
one year ago.
Elevate just finished production on another documentary about me and
jenny called Meet the Funkmeyers which will play to 7000 people
October 5 at the Nokia Theater and we are designing Funkmeyer t-shirts
to be sold at the event. The art director of Desperate Housewives and
the best temple designer at Burning Man are building us a roof top
temple/bedroom/palace but that’s all just me me me. The real thing is
the love. The joy. The exhiliration. So much. And I now really believe
it will last and grow. For all of eternity. I know what it means to
stay positive. I am taking my hands off the wheel and the ride is
getting mighty heady indeed.
My wish is that I am able to share the amazing power of deliberate
intention with tens of millions of people this year. And express the
shit out of myself.
I love you cuz I am you. Ain’t that some shit!
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Live from Bashar

Being channeled by both a Japanese woman Ayako and an American man
Darryl. Wow. It was sold out and 50 bucks. Me and Jenny (formerly VV)
said let’s go anyway. And we walked right in. They said please take
your seat. Like they were waiting for us. Free. And the minute we
found our seats it started. Just like that. This new reality is the
real day. And the rest of the day before this was just as amazing.
Filmed a music video for Keb Mo, I cooked pesto and salad for 10
people, and O Organics showed up with about 800 dollars in promotional
food (3 huge carts worth) for Elevate product placement. I really
enjoy the third dimension. I’m gonna ask Bashar about Terrence
Mckenna’s novelty theory. Back to the show!
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