Posted June 23rd, 2008 by Brit
So my good friend Oded told me not to tell anyone that I didn’t have
any money because it would turn me into just another Westerner having
his spiritual journey. I figured hey, he’s saying it, it must be
right, otherwise it wouldn’t be coming into my life, which was
probably true.
But here’s the thing. I set my primary focus for 2008 to be money. I
have played so many avoidance games and fear games and just plain
infantile games with money that I was tired of it. I wanted to look
this thing in the face once and for all. And it’s been an awkward
pubescent ride.
So I meet Dan and Mei Lan from my class and the old voice says stick
with them. We eat and stuff and I just don’t say anything. As VV says,
I eat off them. I’ve been sleeping in the meditation hall where the
course is held each night and I went the next morning to get
breakfast. The voice said “Go for it. It’s cool!” So I did. They
treated me like I was a guest of the hotel and I thought oh yah I’m
slick. And then the bill came and I was like ooohhhhh well I guess
charge it to their room.
And that’s when, as my favorite poet Sean Carter once rapped, the
ceiling fell in.
I mean, luckily, we’re talking 75 cents here but the weird look on
their face when I next saw them of “did you charge something to our
room?” made me want to crawl out of my skin and created weird energy
between us for the next 24 hours.
So huge lesson learned. To be a man, to be a warrior, to be a decent
human being, I must be upfront about the situation that I’m in with
people. I must talk about money right off the jump and not slide it in
later.
I thank you so much Dan and Mei Lan for being the one’s who
volunteered to teach me this lesson and for stamping it into my
consciousness.
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Posted June 23rd, 2008 by Brit
Was trippy accurate. My question going in was “Am I safe?” cuz food
wasn’t showing up as synchronistically as usual and a place wasn’t
either and I had some fear in the bones.
Well the tarot reading tripped out the reader as much as the readee.
It basically said that I’m dope as fuck that I’m doing everything
absolutely right and that I am blazing paths that have never been
blazed before. Especially interesting were my Distant Past card which
was Wonderment, my Effect on Others card which was Death, and my
Destiny card which was Warrior. And as Bashar taught me well, a
warrior don’t say “Am I safe?” a warrior say “I AM SAFE.” it made me
good to know that it’s ok to break peoples worlds with the truth that
I know to be true about reality and its nice to find that frolicking
came naturally to me for many eons.
My friend Mei Lan who did the reading seemed perplexed at how direct
every card was repeating the same ideas over and over: new found
power, strength, courage, tenacity, trail blazing.
And so I continue into the light.
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Posted June 23rd, 2008 by Brit
It was on and cracking. If there is anything I like more than tripping
or hugging which is already doubtful, it would have to be geometry.
The craziest thing about this workshop is that we connect our
circuitry by looking at geometric forms and doing ceremonies. We test
the circuits using kinesiology before the ceremony and they are weak
and then we test them after and they are strong. It is like magic
everyday right before your eyes.
This is the reason I was told to come to Bali. I’m sure of it now.
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Posted June 23rd, 2008 by Brit
It’s off to the sacred geometry workshop I go. www.thetemplate.org
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Posted June 23rd, 2008 by Brit
Usually seems to come from a mistake. The holographic hands of All
That Is are always in motion.
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Posted June 23rd, 2008 by Brit
Is this on some ET-phone-home shit or what?!?
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Posted June 23rd, 2008 by Brit
See me in the rearview. I ain’t no elderly woman and this ain’t no
Pearl Jam reference but if you are still following than you are an
inside jokester.
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Posted June 23rd, 2008 by Brit
I just like this picture. Lulu met up with us for a bit in Kuta at
this super dope spot Zula with the bomb ass superfood smoothies.
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Posted June 23rd, 2008 by Brit
So I woke up Wednesday feeling fired up. We headed off to Kafe for
some food and ended up caught there for about 3 hours talking to
friend after friend who kept coming in. Did some laundry ran some
errands realized oh shit the sacred geometry workshop starts TOMORROW
and then we were off to that belly of the beast Kuta. Picture Vegas or
Newport Beach or Long Island or some freakish amalgamation thereof.
But we were on a mission from God.
I was informed that there was a big psy-trance party and it was the
full moon and mushrooms are legal and available and you know the rest.
Amazingly enough, the DJ was my absolute favorite Tsuyoshi Suzuki
whose CDs I used to listen to day after day after day 10 years ago and
who was the headliner at my second ever rave when I was a wee little
thing in NYC on my own for the first time and when I first experienced
the joy that is candyflipping.
But wow what a difference a decade makes. I immediately felt like an
outsider in this alcohol infused megaclub filled with the young
professional Western holidayers of the world. Chris pulled my card
pretty quick and said don’t retreat, let’s really BE HERE. With much
trepidation I agreed and as the night progressed had some revelatory
revelations.
First was that I ain’t leading anyone but myself into the light. My
arms just aren’t strong enough to carry everyone. I am going to the
light and anyone who likes the looks of it is more than welcome to
join. This one was precipitated by the fact that I was in this
megaclub “trying” to love being there and I realized I just didn’t. I
just didn’t. I thought of Agape or Elijah’s house and I couldn’t
pretend.
The second was that I’m releasing the entire paradigm my society
raised me with. Its versions of success and enjoyment and beauty and
nutrition and hobbies and acceptability and clothing and sleep
schedule and calendar and all the rest. So long. I am sovereign. I
create my reality. For so long I wanted to fit in at megaclubs. Mack
the babes get head get drunk fit in be cool wear the clothes be
careless floss hard. I just wanted shallow hot girls. I was convinced
they would make me ok. Well the dream died that night. I realized with
a great deal of laughter that the reason I always feltlike the
outsider in these environments is because I AM THE FREAKING OUTSIDER.
Thank you so much life for never allowing me to feel like I fit in and
keeping me searching and thinking there has GOT TO BE more to life
than this.
So I saw it again. This beautiful future. What resonates to me as the
bird tribe. It is so beautiful and I just know it is right around the
corner. One day i will be walking and realize oh shit it happened. And
so it is.
And I fell deeper and deeper in love with grandmother and her
fractalline forms and holographic kisses. I went on and on to Chris
about how in love I am with it all. This wondrous creation its beauty
stretches the limits of imagination.
AND THEN off to the beach (across the street LOL) we went where we had
an intense ocean experience. This was my first time in the warm Asian
Pacific and I could see the curvature of the Earth itself as the beach
stretched on so long. With a little bit of fear and a lot of exciement
I got buck naked and headed into the water.
It was about 4AM and I was still tripping and as I went in these huge
waves of fear started hitting me. I can feel them now as I write. The
ocean looked so black and I couldn’t really see with no glasses and I
kept thinking there was seaweed coming at me and as the ocean went out
I was shitting myself at how powerful this thing was. I pictured
tsunamis and being swept out and just bowed in awe. I had no idea how
powerful the ocean was. It was very intense. It kept saying to
submerge myself and with great trepidation I finally did and so it was
that I took the first step of water initiation.
Such a special night. I had no idea why life would lead me to do the
most sacred journey in the most profane place but just like the rest
of the trip the answer was revealed. Goodbye fear-based dualistic
mutant paradigm. Hello bird tribe. I’ve missed you all so much. It
feels good to be back. I could use about 10,000 hugs because it was a
hard day’s night and I’ve been working like a dog.
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Posted June 23rd, 2008 by Brit
Letting this part of me die. The small part. The doubting part. The
wounded part. The part that thinks being outgoing is better than being
inward. The part that tries so hard to be cool. But mostly, the part
that thinks that if I just go for it enough, I will reach the finish
line. The part that doesn’t want there to be more cycles and more
grieving. The part that keeps wishing “I’m almost there.”
It was nice to be alone in my room in the jungle. I barely ate and I
just let my mind wander. Bashar said you will always continue growing,
in bliss and ecstasy. I never understood this because so often growth
requires death in some way. But I get it now. Death doesn’t have to be
painful. You just surrender to it and feel it. And then at some point
it’s over. But you can’t predict when that will be. Our society of go
go go go go doesn’t exactly encourage this or provide space for this
kind of living, but lucky for me, I create my reality.
This was just as synchronistic as anything else on the trip. The
message of sorrow came one night. The opportunity to dive within came
the next day. And then for 2 days after that I died. And then I woke
up ready to go again, with some skin shed and some grown up inner child.
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