For some reason, I have a real affinity for darkness. This often comes as a surprise to most people, as I think I am considered pretty upbeat and positive. But every so often, I have one of those days where nothing seems worth anything, faith seems pointless at best, and death seems like a pretty good deal.
I really love these days for some reason. I relish them. I don’t know why exactly, but there is something nice to me about feeling down. So much of life seems to have such a point and a purpose. We are continually told–and I in turn continually tell–that having a purpose is important in life. A big dream with some meaning.
I want to show the world the power of love and self-empowerment and following your joy. I really dream of teaching this to people, of showing it to them, of watching their minds blow as they realize how good life can be.
So where does darkness fit in?
Since “The Secret” hit the ground running, there has been a real noticeable desire in me to always be happy. Continuous, uninterrupted bliss. Somehow though, this rings false. Spiritual teachings tell me to stay in the now, to focus on the breath, to remember my connection to all that is. And sometimes, I want to say FUCK YOU. I feel pretty damn separate right now thank you very much. I feel pretty worthless if you don’t mind.
I write this because I am trying to learn. To me, this is part of integration. This is part of enlightenment. Light + Dark. Not Light - Dark. But for some reason, there is a real fear of dwelling on the darkness. And I think that this has some validity.
For while it is good and easy for me to say I love darkness, I am most likely going to wake up in the morning cheerful and happy to be alive again. This is not the case with everyone, and dwelling on the darkness can lead people into some places that are hard to come out of.
So what then? How do we do this? How do we honor the darkness. How do we raise it up and see it for what it is. A giver of humility, a reminder of mortality, a dispeller of illusions. I think this is increasingly important, as more and more people wake to the fact that this reality is of our creation and that we actually do have the power to make of our lives what we will.
Facing this darkness, the parts of our selves that were perhaps easier to not see, is a process of purification. It seems that the best teachers are those who have gone through it themselves. It’s easy to come with pat answers and say that life is easy, but to embrace struggle and pain and be a living example of light is where true teaching and healing lay.
As we move closer to the time when this all comes to a head, and we each once and for all surrender and embrace all the parts of ourselves that we felt were unworthy, facing this darkness, looking into it with tears in our eyes and love in our hearts, is really the way to go.
I look forward to continuing to share my own journey in this regard, and I would love to hear your thoughts.
namaste.
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