today i feel quiet.
it feels nice. like there is a lot of space for just being.
i am reading a book and it says that in our natural state, when we are not in conversation or direct relation to something external, we basically merge back into God.
like we stop existing. like a cat or something. we are just there. 100% potential energy.
and then kinesis occurs.
and there we are. 3rd dimensional humans relating to other 3rd dimensional humans in this beautiful light matrix we call earthly existence.
i want to open up to everyone.
there are some people, you know, you meet them, and you can feel that they don’t look at life how you look at life. and you feel a real vulnerability around these people. because if they knew all the feelings you felt deep down. they might judge you. and it might make you cry. and so you block it. and make small talk. or leave the situation entirely.
i think this is why we look up so much to jesus. i think he could stand there with someone who hated him and speak his truth. and reveal the beauty that he felt and saw. with tears streaming down his cheeks. and then all the words and the differences became non-existent. because feeling is transmitted through the heart, not the brain. and it can’t be avoided.
if you are really feeling something, someone else can’t help but feel it as well.
and right now, i don’t do that. i realize that i don’t do that because i judge myself. that i am weird and that if people, even my closest friends and parents, really saw what i wanted to show them, really felt the love that i wanted to give them, that they would disappear.
and that’s ok. i feel like i am building up my 3rd chakra internal confidence to a level where i truly don’t care. where i am so connected with source that i literally don’t even notice these people who feel “differently” because i see them as extensions of myself. or myself as extensions of them. so i guess what i am saying is that i am growing into patience.
today is the beginning of spring. im looking forward to doing some spring time fucking. sport fucking. fun and light and creative.
there is so much creativity that is bursting and exploding all around me that even in the quiet times, there is like this underlying buzz, like a background cosmic radiation, that makes me smile.
i came up with a logo for elastic illusion. this is it.
it will be a vectored version of that crop circle.
2012 rolls ever closer and i feel the lightening everyday.
i just got heelys and im learning to let go. rolling instead of walking feels like a great metaphor for letting go to me.
we are performing at coachella. that’s dope.
we are also performing at lightning in a bottle in santa barbara which i bet is going to be even doper. here’s a flyer (flier) for it.
so. it seems to me like the major integration that i am in the process of involves power and relationships.
i have this desire to give up all power which leaves me feeling resentful and angry but somehow “spiritual” or to take all power and crush people. a lot of this is only going on in my head, but then again, everything is only going on in my head, so im sort of losing the idea of difference between that and “reality.”
it is SO nice to realize that life is an infinite feedback loop like a fractal or a hologram. so much more makes sense.
so i’mma stop right there.
oh yah. i intend to do a standup set about the word nigga and god. that’s my word.
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